7 Year Old Labelled With Behaviour Issues: How to Handle it?

Q.My son is seven. He is competitive and a perfectionist but gets angry and frustrated if others do better or if he is unhappy with his own work. He goes into sulky strops but at home where he can be given space and ignored they last minutes but at school over the last few months it's all got out of hand. I feel the school mishandled situations initially. A minor incident such as tearing up his own picture resulted in five members of staff getting involved, then he was allocated a mentor who after weeks of breathing down his neck said he couldn't work out how to help him.

He has lost confidence in how to behave which was apparent at a recent childrens party, when he was being play tackled and teased - he walked unhappily away as though he no longer trusts his judgement or ability to interact without getting told off. His behaviour is under the spotlight and appears as a result to have got worse at school. The school bring me in for meetings but they seem to have come to their own conclusions. How do I protect and help him from being labelled as troubled or bad? I feel a bright, interested, sensitive child is being demonised. He had seclusion for a whole day recently even his breaks were on the playing field alone when the others had gone in... he's 7. What can I do to put the brakes on this and help him address the problem.

A.

At just seven years old your son can be helped to overcome his difficulties. All too often we hear about children whose behaviour has been misinterpreted and handled in what we perceive to be an inappropriate way, and this simply serves to make the situation far worse. I am always quick to encourage parents to talk to their school and work with the teachers, but it seems that in your case you feel the school has potentially made the situation worse for your son, and led to a deterioration in his behaviour. However, do not write the school off just yet.

Your son clearly takes a lot of pride in his work which should be admired and praised, however if he is finding it hard to cope with other children doing better than him at school then this is the first issue that needs to be addressed. It is important that children receive regular praise and encouragement for all their school work and activities, but it is equally important to stress that nobody gets everything right all the time and that being perfect at everything is simply not realistic. One way to help your son could be to identify different people within your family or circle of friends who all have a particular talent in one area. For example ask relatives or friends to talk to your son about the strengths and weaknesses that they have. This may help him to understand that he simply can't be brilliant at everything all the time, and that we all have our strong points.

It is unfortunate that your child has put himself under such immense pressure to be the best, as this kind of stress can impact negatively on all of us. For your son to be excluded from break times with other children, and for five members of staff to have been involved in a recent incident seems to be very heavy handed. From the information you have supplied it appears that you have a bright little boy who wants to do his best and enjoy the company of other children but who is now scared to get involved in case he does something wrong. I would encourage you to go back to the school and state your case again as unfortunately the school will be pivotal in helping you and your son overcome these difficulties.

Our Facebook Fan Page

Why not join the KidsBehaviour Fan Page so we can keep you up to speed with our thoughts and maybe you can share yours or ask a question (there's a join button up on the left!)...

 Share on Facebook  Tweet This!  Stumble!  Digg It!