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Gaining Respect From Your Child

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 3 Dec 2014 | comments*Discuss
 
Raising Children Earning Respect

All parents want to be respected by their children, but true respect is something that is earned over time. Most children love their parents and will continue to do so throughout their lives, even if they don't particularly respect them. To have both love and respect is the perfect package, one that is worth striving for. To earn the respect of a child, parents need only to remember a few things.

What is Respect Worthy?
To earn respect, parents need to first think of the characteristics that they respect in others. Most of us are fortunate enough to know a few people (hopefully, many) that we genuinely respect. Typically, these people have several traits in common and conduct themselves in ways which make others look up to them. It is not money or social status that gains respect, but instead is an innate ability to make sound choices and live in a manner that is not harmful to self or others.

Respectful Parenting
Parents who treat their children with respect will likely earn the respect of their children. Kids may say they want parents who would allow them to do whatever they wish, but in reality, children are often glad that they have parents who care enough about their welfare to establish and enforce household rules. Additionally, it matters a great deal just how the rules are presented and how parents deal with the inevitable misbehaviour of their kids. Yelling, hitting, or belittling children may force them to follow the rules, but they will behave out of fear, rather than respect. Parents who are firm but loving will teach their children to behave similarly and will earn the respect of their offspring.

Behaviours that Earn Respect
Children look to their parents for examples of how to conduct themselves. When parents offer their children a view of decent and responsible adult behaviour, they are helping to build the groundwork for their children as they decide what types of people that they hope to become. By providing the kids with positive examples, parents go a long way toward earning their children's respect. Some ideas include:
  • Treat people kindly and offer a helping hand when you can.
  • Be fair and just, with children and with all people.
  • Never expect more from someone else that you expect from yourself.
  • Be honest and forthright, but never brutally so.
  • Do your fair share - in fact, do more than your fair share.
  • Be strong and brave, but show your weaknesses, rather than hiding them.
  • Admit when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
  • Embrace the good in others and celebrate it.
  • Practice moderation in all things.
Be Available
More than anything, children want to know that they are important to their parents. While parents can tell their kids that they love them, it makes a far bigger impression to show them. Children flourish when given ample time and attention, so making family a priority is a great way for parents to demonstrate their love for their children. Also, kids need guidance, so it is important for parents to be on hand. Children may not always appreciate all that their parents do for them during their growing up years, but parents who make themselves available and treat their children with love and respect will raise kids who will ultimately love and respect them in return.

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@none. It sounds like these children have been through a lot in their short lives. Sometimes especially with a 9 year old it is wise to simply sit them down and explain what is acceptable & unacceptable behaviour. They do need to feel that they are loved unconditionally by their close family members though, so please keep reinforcing that. Try and see if there is some kind of professional help - your granddaughter's school may be able to offer some contacts.
KidsBehaviour - 5-Dec-14 @ 11:10 AM
I have become very concerned about behaviour of my grandchildren - especially 9 year old girl.I lost my husband 14 months ago, and it may be just a coincidence but she has been particularly unpleasant over the past 12 months.Parents separated after breast cancer/breakdown of Mother,some years ago, but my son supports her in every possible way and certainly does his share. She does not support him if he tries to reprimand, plus I feel she encourages the girl in rudeness.We had a very good relationship with the children, they stayed with us alone on numerous occasions which makes me wonder if they blame me for losing Grandad.The 7 year old boy is quite defiant, with selective deafness, but the girl is appalling in her attitude. i.e. Shut up, Get off me, Get out, and so on.Can barely speak to me.I appreciate that I am not a young Nanny, but I am fit and take them swimming, on rollercoasters etc, and try not to show my grief and distress. She has always been precocious (in the real meaning of the word) which was encouraged particularly by Mother, but this is out of hand now.
none - 3-Dec-14 @ 7:18 PM
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