My son who is 3 seems to have difficulty in behaving when asked to do something, he will refuse point blank by either ignoring what we have asked or just saying no. He will also if unable to get his own way lash out by either hitting or throwing items either at us or a wall. He also seems to be unable to share and play nicely without getting aggressive.
Please could you advise if he has a behaviour disorder of sorts, as my doctors will not comment and say it is his age which I am very doubtful?
(Miss JF, 1 October 2008)
Only a trained professional could diagnose a behaviour disorder in your son, and this could only happen after such a professional observes and interacts with your child as well as hears about his personal history. In a child as young as 3, this may be hard to do given that your son’s personal history is relatively short.
Since your GP has already advised you that your son’s behaviour is age-related, have a think about how hard the 'Terrible Twos' hit your son. When did they did begin? What kind of behaviour did he display during this developmental stage? Can you say for sure when this stage ended? In answering these questions you may well find that your son has only recently started this stage or indeed seems to still be in the middle of an extended version of it.
Parenting a young child who is routinely oppositional and aggressive can be tough, but practise some patience. It may well be that your son is not trying to upset you but is instead trying to assert his own personality and independence. The hitting and throwing may simply be a temper tantrum that he has when he becomes frustrated that he can not express himself, or that you do not understand what it is that he is expressing.
If possible, take note of your son’s behaviour over the next few weeks. Is there a particular cause? Does it occur at a particular time of day or with a particular person? When and why does he resort to hitting and throwing? Think about factors such as hunger, boredom or exhaustion. As you answer these questions you may find a pattern that can give you clues to help curb these behaviours in the future.
But don’t wait to act on limiting your son’s inappropriate behaviour. Try to set up a routine for your son so that he knows what to expect from his day, and when. Offer him limited choices and agree to whatever choice he makes. Begin to discipline him with time outs and/or use a reward chart to encourage good behaviour. Always make sure that you address his behaviour as bad or naughty so that he does not begin to believe that he himself is a bad person.
If you still find that your son’s behaviour is inappropriate, you should return to your GP or look for a second opinion. You may want to consider finding a private counsellor or therapist for your son who can walk you through his specific case and what to do next.
my son is 8 and i had to be pulled into school as his friend had a girl in a headlock he walked past and decided to kick her in the head whilst in the head lock, his reaction was he didnt like her???
debi - 15-Feb-13 @ 12:19 AM
my son ids 8 years old and the other day i was pulled into the school because he walked past another boy hitting a girl in his class ans as the other boy had her in a headlock he kicked her in the head, this is because he didn't like her? i do
n't know what to do and i am a single parent so dealing with this on my own.
I am also confuse because it is out of character for him any advice is welcome
debi - 15-Feb-13 @ 12:09 AM
My 6 year old daughter does not like to do any of the daily routine works like cleaning her teeth, taking bath or doing her homework, she would not go to sleep time 10:30 pm on weekdays, so I have to tell her repeatedly and try to make her sleep by 9 pm.She also has thumb sucking problem which i have been trying to stop for 1 1/2 year now.I have tried everything, rewards, star charts, timeout, nothing works with her.Now she has become very negetive in her thoughts, she says i am not treating her well and i am making her sad if i ask her to do certain routine.She does not like me to tell her to do anything. She does not even like me to tell it is time for bed, school etcShe expects me to use all my manners when i am talking but she refuses to use any of them.In contrast she is very well behaved outside at school, at family friends houses or any public places.She is the best child you could every see in your life, very polite, quiet, very good in following instructions, using manners etc.She is gem of a person.
I am in lot of stress, I don't know where i am going wrong.Can you please help me.
nectar - 26-Mar-12 @ 3:31 AM
my son is 5 & i have always thought he has been different than my other 2 boys since the age of 4 ish he liked to run off and i would have to chase him he didnt realise he could getv lost etc since starting school his behaviour has got worse he was unsettled at first like hiding under chairs and tables and came out when ready once settled he was fine until the november he just started hitting,punching,biting kicking etc at school and at home he likes to scratch the face sometimes he just cant control his behaviour he has quiet time at school & at home and a sticker chart & marble jar but seems to give up if he missesa sticker and sometimes when given a consequence he says i dont care i am stuck for things to try do you think he has a behaviour disorder??
kaz - 2-Feb-12 @ 4:31 PM
My son is 5 years old and I'm worried that he has behaviour problems. He can't sit still in class he has to sit on the teachers knee, he shouts out and makes silly noises, he refuses to do as he is told, he will flop on the floor and lye there while the other children walk over him, he does this often. He doesn't socialise with the other children, he is stubern and if he doesn't want to do something he won't. He doesn't listen and he doesn't give eye contact unless asked to. He doesn't sleep very well it can take hours to get him to bed at night.
Sarah - 8-Dec-11 @ 2:50 PM
I've a 3.5yrs old son who like to disturb his friends who sit beside him during class lessons thus his teacher has to put him to sit in a chair of his own while other children sit on the matt. He is also not focusing much and slow in responding questions of teachers. I brought him to see child speacialist and he is not detected as ADHD or autism. How to stop his misbehaviour? and how to make him more focus during lesson?
Annie - 15-Sep-11 @ 7:07 AM
I am a single parent and my 12 year old son is so hateful most of the time there is not a day that goes by where we do not argue, he is clever and intelligent and is very strong willed and wants to do what he wants to do, he shouts at me and has started to tell me to keep my nose out, his attitude is disgusting,he does nothing he is told, answers back at everything . I so dislike him at times and I am getting very depressed and cry a lot as I just dont know what to do.Everything is am argument and I mean everything I am at the end of my tether, At school he is fine in all aspects and gets some good marks Help!
Debs1205 - 8-Aug-11 @ 9:02 PM
Hello. I have a two and half years old son.When he was a year and a half he was speaking few words like my name and his brother name,beside saying mama and papa. Now he doesn't saying any word.Many people told me that he has austim disorder because he doesn't play with others if he is not intrested.But he is going to a school now and his teacher told me that he is playing with others at school.How can I know why he stopped speaking? Please help!
Om Kids - 24-Jun-11 @ 3:27 PM
My boy who has just turned 6 is hurting our puppy deliberately. He seems to get a real kick out of doing it. He finds it very funny. I've told him that it's only a baby and he says he cannot control himself. He is a very intelligent boy, loves reading, and is an adorable son. I'm a single mom and it's just him and I at home. I'm extremely worried as his school put him on a behaviour checklist for bad behaviour but he was taken off it as he improved so much. He's now hurting the wee pup when he thinks I'm not watching. I've punished him and he shows genuine remorse. plz help. I'm gonna make an appointment with is doc but I want an idea of what I'm dealing with.
nic - 1-Jun-11 @ 10:20 AM
My 5 year old daughter who is highly intelligent, communicative and otherwise healthy has become an absolute nightmare to live with. Her behaviour has progressively got worse over the last 18 months so much so I feel like I cant no longer have her in the house. She is defiant over everything is verbally and physically abusive, refuses to do as she is told, talks back and acts like she's an adult and has the right to tell other people what to do. I have been told because of her age she is too young to be assessed for any behavioural problems. In school they say she is a good child and they don't experience problems with her yet the school fail to remember they asked me to come into school as she was rapidly falling behind her whole class for all her subjects. She is also extremely well built for her age and extremely heavy and powerful but not by any means fat she looks slim and the weight is very deceiving. She has two older brothers the eldest being 9 a high achiever mild mannered and always well behaved boy though even he is losing patience with her. Her middle brother is 6 and is showing signs of textbook ASD spectrum or mild form of ADHD he is extremely hyperactive can't explain why he does things and occasionally has temper tantrums to the extreme but these are rare and emotional distress is more regular. I'm at my total wits end and I also have a history of bi-polar which has been under control for some time unmedicated but I can feel she's pushing me to the brink again. Help!