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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 16 Sep 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Odd Add

All kids go through difficult stages and could sometimes be described as "oppositional." There is an enormous difference between the normal defiance seen in two year olds (they don't call it the 'terrible twos' for nothing!) and the early teen years though and the chronic condition referred to as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Unlike behavioural issues in older kids and teens, ODD is typically seen in children younger than nine or ten years. A diagnosis of ODD requires that the child is defiant and disobedient, with a provocative quality to their behaviour. Tendencies toward cruelty or angry, violent aggression are not symptomatic of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and should be reported to the GP so that a correct diagnosis can be made and an appropriate treatment plan can be implemented.

Be aware that sometimes ODD can be confused with CD, or Conduct Disorder, which is actually a more severe version of ODD. The definition of CD is a serious childhood psychiatric disorder in which either major society rules, or the rights of others, are violated by the child at least three times in the last year, including at least once in the last six months. This includes physically abusing people or animals, arson, stealing and other digressions.

Symptoms of ODD
While parents shouldn't rush to the conclusion that their stubborn, sometimes defiant child has ODD, there are symptoms that may warrant a professional evaluation. Children with ODD are likely to act out in a number of situations, with school and home being the two places where behaviours are deemed most disruptive. Occasional emotional outbursts are considered a normal part of childhood, but if parents notice an ongoing pattern of the following behaviours, especially if the child's actions cause them difficulty in everyday functioning, a thorough evaluation is recommended:
  • Frequent and/or extreme temper tantrums
  • Tendency to be easily annoyed by others
  • Blatant refusal to comply with household or school rules
  • Takes argumentative stance with adults
  • Rude, uncooperative and confrontational attitude
  • Use of mean-spirited language when upset
  • Deliberate attempts to upset and annoy others
  • Frequent bursts of anger or resentful attitude
  • Tendency to place blame on others
  • Outward and belligerent defiance
  • Revengeful attitude
A professional evaluation can be of great assistance since it can be very difficult for parents to ascertain the root causes of their children's troubling behaviours. Additionally, children with other conditions, such as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), anxiety issues, mood disorders (including depression or bipolar disorder), or learning disabilities may exhibit similar symptoms, making diagnosis by an untrained parent especially difficult.

Causes of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
There is much speculation about the causes of ODD, with no definitive answers at this time. Many parents of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder do report that those children were rigid and demanding from an early age, compared to their siblings, raising the possibility that there may be biological or environmental factors involved. Some studies seem to indicate a tendency for ODD to run in families, strengthening the argument for a biological connection. Some experts believe that the condition is more common in children whose parents are hostile a lot of the time, or who tend to argue a lot.

It is estimated that at least five per cent of the population suffer from ODD, but the way it manifests itself can range greatly. Some children with the disorder tend to argue and talk back a lot, while others are overly hostile virtually all of the time. What holds true for most of the children, however, is that authority figures bear the brunt of the hostility - be they parents, teachers or others. As a result, they find school a difficult time, despite their intelligence, and often have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Experts believe that ODD is more common in a child who has been already been diagnosed with ADHD, although an exact link has not been established. In fact, as many as half the number of children with ADHD may also have ODD. Others believe that some sleep disorders may be mistaken for ODD. While the exact causes are still a bit of a mystery, treatment options are well-established.

Treatment Options
A number of treatment options have proved effective for the management of ODD. It is vital that parents are actively involved in their child's struggle to control inappropriate and troubling behaviour, so attending a parent training program can be quite helpful. Additionally, family psychotherapy may be beneficial in helping improve communication as the child attends individual therapy sessions to learn anger management techniques. Cognitive behavioural therapy and social skills training classes may be needed to help kids with ODD increase their problem solving skills while learning to interact more positively with peers and authority figures.

All of this can be difficult on parents, who often feel helpless and discouraged. Actively taking measures to help their children cope and function can be empowering for parents, making life easier for the whole family:

  • Offer children praise and encouragement when they are cooperative.
  • Refrain from arguing with children and make it clear that they will not engage in confrontational displays.
  • Establish reasonable and age-appropriate behavioural expectations and be consistent in following up with consequences for disobedience.
  • Learn and utilise stress management techniques. This will not only help them to cope with the pressures of raising a child with ODD, but will also provide good examples for their children.

Some parents of children with ODD offer other advice as well, which will not "cure" the condition but will help alleviate some of the symptoms. Limit the amount of television and computer time your child has, find out what interests they have and encourage them to develop them as much as possible, and enlist the help of others when you can.

Doing the Best for Your Child

Most parents of children with ODD know from a very early age that their child is different from others - in some cases, different from their other siblings. But having a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder need not be too disheartening, as there is help around. Several support groups now exist for parents of children with this disorder, as well as parents of kids with ADHD. Some parents find it easier for their children to find other children with ODD to play with; they seem to be on the same "wavelength" and get along well, with less squabbling and bickering.

What is vital is that parents get the support and encouragement they need, so that they can continue supporting and encouraging their own children. Once you can get the right diagnosis for your child you can take the right steps to learn more about ODD, and help your child live life to the full.

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My son now 15 has shown (what I think may be signs of ODD ) most noticeably since year 6. He is defiant , will challenge me, when I ask him to do something. He back chats , blames others, will not accept responsibity for his actions . He will annoy others (in house hold) when he does not get his own way . He always has to be right will not back down,(even when the other party is getting frustrated ,angry, he can’t seem to read signals or respond appropriately in some social situations) there is also a lot of sibling rivalry , with his younger sister. He tells lies in an effort to cover his back . He has no empathy or understanding. His grades at school have dropped , if he does not want to do something he won’t. I have tried talking to him , explaining the reasons why I am doing what I am doing , he just then asks the same question again again again. ( why can’t I have my phone back , why can’t I go on the play station ) I do not think this is normal behaviour however can’t decide if he is playing me or if there is an underlying issue. Advice appreciated
Woody - 16-Sep-18 @ 10:33 AM
Blenchy7- Your Question:
I've tried for a long time now with my daughters behaviour and demanding aggressive to her siblings what can I do she even through herself down the stairs and blamed myself her mother she's always saying she's getting all the blame all the time and she kicks off in the shops when she carnt have I think she's suffering with ADHA ODD and depression disorder and anxiety disorders and she's well over weight she is 13st I've had her eating healthy and she's not losing any weight can I get help I don't know what else to do thank youMrs L blench

Our Response:
Have you taken her to the doctor?
KidsBehaviour - 24-Aug-18 @ 11:26 AM
I've tried for a long time now with my daughters behaviour and demanding aggressive to her siblings what can I do she even through herself down the stairs and blamed myself her mothershe's always saying she's getting all the blame all the time and she kicks off in the shops when she carnt have I think she's suffering with ADHA ODD and depression disorder and anxiety disorders and she's well over weight she is 13stI've had her eating healthy and she's not losing any weight can I get help I don't know what else to dothank you Mrs L blench
Blenchy7 - 21-Aug-18 @ 9:55 AM
Sarahlou....I agree that it'shard to know what's over reacting to a potentially difficult child but my little one seems to be behaving like this more frequently despite my efforts to calm him or reason with him. I also have an eight year old and he is finding it difficult too. I have made an appointment with the gp to discuss it. I am hoping it's a stage of bad behaviour but just need some advice as I am at my wits end with how to deal with him, everyday is draining and i'm exhausted by it all. As with your daughter, he can be so caring and funny and it's then that i think i'm over reacting but then he will display such bizarre behaviour. Has this been going on for long with your daughter?
sp - 9-Aug-18 @ 10:24 PM
SP I am having exactly the same behaviour from my 5 yr old daughter . We are totally drained and at our wits ebd. Our daughter can be so sweet and behaves at school, and has moments where she's so caring at home. Out of school she doesn't listen, shouts and talks to us terribly, she instantly goes off if she doesn't get what she wants and then I'm on pins trying to calm her down and explain in a manner she understands. She constantly enjoys winding her friends up,it's as if she gets a buzz from annoying people and it's so embarrassing.I keep telling her that she won't have any friends if she carries on, then she just continues the next time she sees someone. I have no idea what to do, I'm thinking of taking her to the GP but I don't want to sound like I'm over reacting if she's just exhibiting normal behaviour, though it doesn't feel normal.
Sarahlou - 8-Aug-18 @ 8:25 AM
My son is seven years old and can be funny, charming and very entertaining especially at school and with family. At home however he is awful, defiant, rude, he argues even bullies me. He will go out of his way to cause an argument or problem and when i try to talk about it with him he blames everyone else and is so unreasonable. It's draining me. He is so rude and has no regard for boundaries or discipline at home. I don't know what to do.
sp - 7-Aug-18 @ 5:37 PM
I am growing increasingly worried about my daughter. She has just turned 6 and her behaviour has escalated for the past couple of years. She is perfect in school but not at home. She argues with absolutely everything and refuses to follow the rules. She has massive anger outbursts to the point where she kicks and hits us throws things at us and trashes her room. She has really difficulty making or keeping friends she is soon to be going in to year two but has never had a close friend. No matter what we do to try to get her to stop these behaviours nothing works and if anything she is getting worse. These outbursts happen every single night and everyday is a new challenge what help can I get for her?
trudi3 - 11-Jul-18 @ 9:21 PM
Ron - Your Question:
My 8 year old boy seems to really dislike everyone.his dad dissapeared when he was 3 and for the firat few years I over compensated but always maintained discipline. For the last year though he is totally out of control. Hes exceptionnaly intelligent and other then being chatty in schools hea good as gold there , yet the last year is conpletely defiant I mean anything I ask he rows eith me about not just no name calling being rude and cheeky , he gets angry over every little thing smashes up rooms swears has spent money on my card online is horrible to his brother and thinks he is the most important person in the house. He sees nothinf wrong in for instance eating four out of six cupcakes and ehen I question him about it he dont see anything wrong with it that he has four and me and his brother has one each.im diabetic and he eats the sweets and drinks I have for my low blood sugars knowing il pass out if they arent there and I need them. He takes the remote when hes home from school and point blank refuses to let anyone else have a go without forcibly taking it. Every little thing is an argiment from picking up pants to doing his himework and not a fige minute thing a full blown row he goes on and on and atill wint do it. He breaks expensive things and tells me that I can replace them. I am at the end of my tether his dad isnt in his life and he listens to noone not his grandad aunt uncles or me.it get to the points I dread him coming back from school it upsets me because I adore him but its making my and my youngests life hell and I have seripus health problens the stress is just making worse. Every symptom is exactly describes him how do I get a diagnosis ?

Our Response:
Talk to your GP, try and talk to your son, make sure he gets some one-on-one attention from you. Seek help from organisations like Care for the Family and Family Lives etc
KidsBehaviour - 29-Jun-18 @ 12:48 PM
My 8 year old boy seems to really dislike everyone .his dad dissapeared when he was 3 and for the firat few years i over compensated but always maintained discipline . For the last year though he is totally out of control. Hes exceptionnaly intelligent and other then being chatty in schools hea good as gold there , yet the last year is conpletely defiant i mean anything i ask he rows eith me about not just no name calling being rude and cheeky , he gets angry over every little thing smashes up rooms swears has spent money on my card online is horrible to his brother and thinks he is the most important person in the house . He sees nothinf wrong in for instance eating four out of six cupcakes and ehen i question him about it he dont see anything wrong with it that he has four and me and his brother has one each.im diabetic and he eats the sweets and drinks i have for my low blood sugars knowing il pass out if they arent there and i need them. He takes the remote when hes home from school and point blank refuses to let anyone else have a go without forcibly taking it. Every little thing is an argiment from picking up pants to doing his himework and not a fige minute thing a full blown row he goes on and on and atill wint do it. He breaks expensive things and tells me that i can replace them. I am at the end of my tether his dad isnt in his life and he listens to noone not his grandad aunt uncles or me.it get to the points i dread him coming back from school it upsets me because i adore him but its making my and my youngests life hell and i have seripus health problens the stress is just making worse. Every symptom is exactly describes him how do i get a diagnosis ?
Ron - 27-Jun-18 @ 4:58 PM
My son was diagnosed with ODD when he was 9 years old.My child has caused much grief throughout the years.He is now 15yrs old.He has been stealing,lying,and doing spiteful things to All of us at home.We have talk after talk with him and offer ways for him to earn money which we hoped would stop his behavior but he is so lazy he refuses and responds with "I shouldn't have to do stuff you should give me money" This month alone he's stolen his little brothers Bike and sold it for cigarettes.He stolen a video game,a SIM card,cigarettes (I smoke)money out of our change jar,eats foid that he told not to touch,refuses to clean his room.Was asked not to have friends over when no adult is present we come home and find his friends here,when we kick his company out he throws a fit and leaves for hours on end.Claims he feels like he lives in a prison.he is using marijuana.We work late hours and by the time we get home he's gone and we have to search for him.Hes nasty to his little brothers,us and his teachers at school.he doesn't want to go to school.i put him on punishment only to come home and he's gone.i feel like I can't do anything to reach him.i feel like no matter what he has no real consiquenses.my marriage is suffering from this.he fights with his little brothers constantly and it becomes a very hard environment for all of us...Any suggestions? He's had programs,counseling,and goes to a school for children with special needs.i feel empty and I have considered placing him in a boot camp or boys of home..i really need insight..
Miss I don't know w - 22-Jun-18 @ 11:52 AM
Hi I have a 12 year old boy who I feel like I am walking on egg shells with he can be fine one minute but the simplest of request can set him off he is so argumentative with me his dad his teachers and karate coach brothers and sisters we have tried every punishment and he can be good to earn the thing back that have been took as punishment but then misbehave again he had a behaviour time table at school and was good all week then the next week when he has not got one he is back to misbehaving dose this sound like odd thanks
Maz - 29-May-18 @ 11:12 PM
Kim - Your Question:
I have an 8 yr old granddaughter. She has all these symptoms. She has severe temper tantrums at least 5 days a week. She screams how much she hates us and how she wants to die. Her mother (my step-daughter) died 3 years ago. However our grand has lived with us all but 4 months of her life. 1st her and Mom lived with us and at 3 her Mom said she didn't want her anymore cause her mother couldn't handle being a mother. They never bonded. She is great for everyone else. Perfect straight A student in school. This only happens with us. She can't keep a friend because she flips out on them when they are at our house if they wont do what she wants. She has been in counseling for a year now and nothing has changed at all. If anything the fits have escalated. Tonight she fought with a friend and she started punching herself in the face, scratching herself and banging her head off the wall. We are in some serious need of help!!!

Our Response:
Have you tried to talking to the counsellor about the progress? Are there other therapies she/he can recommend that you try? The situation with her mother has perhaps affected her more than you think, being effectively abandoned and then the parent dying...Here are a few organisations that might be able to help or refer you elsewhere for help:
Action For Children
Family Lives
Think Children
KidsBehaviour - 4-Apr-18 @ 10:01 AM
SarahJ - Your Question:
My daughter is 11 years old, I also have two other children who are 12 and 4. By the time my 11 year old was 2 years old I knew something was very different about her, so I started to seek help and advice. At this point she loved to hurt our cats and dogs, as she would put it, she wanted to see their blood.My 11 year old is very violent and aggressive towards her family members. She put her brother in hospital 3 years ago, by punching his weak left lung (knowing he had asthma. She used her butter knife from her meal and threatened to stab my belly when I was pregnant with her little sister. She's tried to push all of us including her little sister down the stairs. She hates been asked to do something, even if it's me (her mother) just asking her to get changed after school. She will swear regularly and say very mean and nasty things to all of us. She's tried to harm herself several times by trying to swallow pen lids, throw herself down the stairs, smash her head repeatedly against the floor or walls. She's tried to through herself in front of cars as she didn't want to go to school. She always acts like she is the victim and that she's done nothing wrong. About 6 months ago she had a massive episode and said that she heard a voice in her head telling her to wait till her whole family was asleep and stab us all. In my point of view she ticks every box for ODD but as she's only like this at home and not at school no one will do anything. I've had an array of officials involved with my family (all involved only because I've asked and begged for help) None of them want to help us or diagnosis my daughter with anything. I took her to hospital on the night she heard a voice telling her to harm all her family members. This then got use another social worker, who in the past 8 months hasn't done anything. All he does is have a meeting with me and the school staff members at school once every 6 weeks. He answer is that she's just a normal child and hearing a voice to harm her family members once is perfectly normal. He's about to close the case as he says he has not concerns with my patenting etc. But. This concerns me as this is tearing our family apart. We can't take the kids out anywhere because if my 11 year old doesn't get everything she wants she we have a massive tantrum, in the past she didn't get a toy from a gift shop museum so she refused to stay strapped in the car and attacked my partner while he was driving.

Our Response:
Ask your GP about this, it may not by ODD but an another mental health issue.
KidsBehaviour - 3-Apr-18 @ 12:36 PM
I have an 8 yr old granddaughter. She has all these symptoms. She has severe temper tantrums at least 5 days a week. She screams how much she hates us and how she wants to die. Her mother (my step-daughter) died 3 years ago. However our grand has lived with us all but 4 months of her life. 1st her and Mom lived with us and at 3 her Mom said she didn't want her anymore cause her mother couldn't handle being a mother. They never bonded. She is great for everyone else. Perfect straight A student in school. This only happens with us. She can't keep a friend because she flips out on them when they are at our house if they wont do what she wants. She has been in counseling for a year now and nothing has changed at all. If anything the fits have escalated. Tonight she fought with a friend and she started punching herself in the face, scratching herself and banging her head off the wall. We are in some serious need of help!!!
Kim - 1-Apr-18 @ 4:40 AM
My daughter is 11 years old, I also have two other children who are 12 and 4. By the time my 11 year old was 2 years old I knew something was very different about her, so I started to seek help and advice. At this point she loved to hurt our cats and dogs, as she would put it, she wanted to see their blood. My 11 year old is very violent and aggressive towards her family members. She put her brother in hospital 3 years ago, by punching his weak left lung (knowing he had asthma. She used her butter knife from her meal and threatened to stab my belly when I was pregnant with her little sister. She's tried to push all of us including her little sister down the stairs. She hates been asked to do something, even if it's me (her mother) just asking her to get changed after school. She will swear regularly and say very mean and nasty things to all of us. She's tried to harm herself several times by trying to swallow pen lids, throw herself down the stairs, smash her head repeatedly against the floor or walls. She's tried to through herself in front of cars as she didn't want to go to school. She always acts like she is the victim and that she's done nothing wrong. About 6 months ago she had a massive episode and said that she heard a voice in her head telling her to wait till her whole family was asleep and stab us all. In my point of view she ticks every box for ODD but as she's only like this at home and not at school no one will do anything. I've had an array of officials involved with my family (all involved only because I've asked and begged for help) None of them want to help us or diagnosis my daughter with anything. I took her to hospital on the night she heard a voice telling her to harm all her family members. This then got use another social worker, who in the past 8 months hasn't done anything. All he does is have a meeting with me and the school staff members at school once every 6 weeks. He answer is that she's just a normal child and hearing a voice to harm her family members once is perfectly normal. He's about to close the case as he says he has not concerns with my patenting etc. But... This concerns me as this is tearing our family apart. We can't take the kids out anywhere because if my 11 year old doesn't get everything she wants she we have a massive tantrum, in the past she didn't get a toy from a gift shop museum so she refused to stay strapped in the car and attacked my partner while he was driving.
SarahJ - 30-Mar-18 @ 1:55 PM
My son is 10. We often joke that he's been defiant since he was born. Certainly from a very young age. The only person who my son isn't argumentative towards is his father. His older sisters and I often need to call dad to calm him down.everything i ask him to do is an argument: brush your teeth, have a shower, go to bed, put on your clothes, brush your hair. It's exhausting. He's defiant towards everyone, including his teachers. He hates his current teacher who, at this stage, has written him off by the looks of things. He's been on report since October and up until now the senco has still not seen him. He has always hated school, but now he has tantrums several mornings a week. These can last for up to 30 mins. My dad, (who drops him off), is getting old and is more and more dismayed by the behaviour.We both walk on eggshells just to get him through the morning without a meltdown. I'm a teacher, and sometimes I get to drop him to school. He cries every time now. Begs me to take him home, or let him have a tutor. He says he hates his life and he wants to kill himself and I need to lie with him to get him to sleep on many nights. The other thing I'm concerned about is that he doesn't seem to have any real friends. He hardly ever gets invited to parties, and his relationships always seem to end. The only positive is that the pastoral lady at his school seems to be making headway with him, and he adores doing sports. He swims 3 times a week, does football twice and boxing. We try to divert him, but it's not enough.
Chan - 23-Mar-18 @ 7:29 PM
Been looking for some support and found this. My son is ten and is seen by cahms but they have diagnosed a complex neurological condition which actually does not mean a great deal or offer any support to my management of my child. He was born at 31 weeks and is reasonably normal in relation to development other than behaviour. He behaves at school so clearly can manage it. At home he starts arguments every day, bullies his sister and completely over reacts to any discipline I give out, he threatens to kill himself and screams and shouts,lies and denies involvement in any incident when he has created the incident. I completely lose it a lot of the time as it goes on and on, I work full time on top of this daily nervous breakdown and feel like I'm slowly losing the will with all of this, I think he's jealous of his sisters as when he spends time alone with me he's a different child. Cahms have offered very little as no proper diagnosis, offered some parenting support people to come and sit in.my house to watch how the dynamics work!! Did point out that he would manage his behaviours with a stranger about and I have three other children who do not behave like this at all so due to them reverting to a management of behaviour..I. .parenting issue I give up with them. The original doc said they would do genetic testing but then it never happened...can I get an mri scan to check brain development on nhs? ??
Jane - 14-Mar-18 @ 6:44 AM
Hi, I’m 14 years old and actually people tell me that I have all the symptoms of ODD. I always have temper tantrums one after another. I always deliberately annoy my brothers and sisters and I more or likely blame people for my mistakes. And my auntie said that I never like being told “NO” could this possibly show that I have a side of ODD?
Kim - 7-Mar-18 @ 7:05 PM
My 10-year -old son goes beserk if I ask him to do simple things , he hits and bites himself , goes in his upstairs window and ties things around his neck if punished . He swears , he has destroyed my house and his bedroom is always trashed when asked to do something. In school he is timid . He tells me it's because I shout . I shout because I lose my rag with his disgusting behavior. I am going to the doctors surgery with him asap .
Laura - 22-Jan-18 @ 8:53 PM
My son is 7 and has shown the signs of ODD in this article for about 3 years now but never in school.At home and especially in my partners house he regularly has tantrums over doing simple things like sitting at the table to eat.He often winds my partners children up and then ends up being the one that gets told off when they react to his behaviour. I don’t know if he has ODD though as in school he is well behaved and has never shown any of these signs. Please help!
Daisy - 14-Jan-18 @ 8:59 AM
Hi, I have an 11 year old boy since the age of 3 he's shown signs of aggreessive angry unruley behaviour for years I have tried to get help going to meetings at school to being sent to camhs he's even seen and art theropist yet all I keep getting told his it's emotional issues! He lashes out and on a number of occasions has punched me in the face he's once trashed my bedroom in his anger! He's evil to his neice and nephews whenever he goes out playing he's constantly fighting with other boys when I ask him to do something he'll scream so aggressively at me that it's like a full grown man wanting to fight! His attitude towards me and other is beyond disgusting and I'm ashamed when he's like this as my mum brought me up with mannners and Iv tried my hardest to reflect that into him he constantly calls me names! Iv tried every punishement that I can and been told to do by family workers and school. He refuses to get in the shower he won't brush his teeth and he's constantly late for school because he dordles and when I'm keep asking him to get dressed he screams and shouts at me swearing he's cheeky when asked something and for example if he loses a toy he will go crazy and then the aggressions starts this never stops and it's constant from getting up in a morning to going to bed I'm a single mum as his dad left him when he was younger and as had no contact since then! It's causing issues in my current relationship and my parents. I suffer with anxiety and was told that all the stress from this will be my main cause I can't sleep on a night because I'm dreading the next day I go to work and can't concentrate as he's getting older the worse he has got Iv fought and fought with dr etc just for help and each time the out comes emotional issues but then no further help at all Iv even gone to my local MP for help and still nothing. I'm just so lost as to what to do next.
Sherrie88 - 18-Oct-17 @ 7:45 PM
Sue - Your Question:
My daughter is 9 years old and has been given a diagnosis of ODD possible CD and subline Adhd. However when in School she does her best too stay calm, most of her outbursts are at home.However, she does refuse to go School sometimes her School is aware of her condition but are now threatening me with court action. I am a Teacher the School does not care that court could cause problems with my future. More importantly they seem to be not taking her diagnosis into account what can I do. I am at a loss and my health has dteriated. The School is more interested in ticking boxes and having perfect attendance records than what's going on. I can't cope what can be done.

Our Response:
Can you talk to someone at your education welfare service? They might be able to make suggestions for getting her to school. Assuming you're working, we're guessing you have to miss school too when you daughter refuses to go, which must be affecting your own job and pupils.
KidsBehaviour - 18-Oct-17 @ 3:01 PM
Mimmie - Your Question:
I have a just turned 9yr old daughter youngest of 3 children. From very young ( under a yr old) she hated being kissed and would shrug physical touch off. As she got older she woukd hide when famiky arrived and left to avoid the hug and kisses part, she would sit on my lap but I wasnt aloud to put my hand on a knee or around her, unless she pulled my hand around herself! From age 3 or before she was defient stubborn and did the opposite to everything asked, if she knew she was winding someone up she would do it more. I have been the best I can dealing with her. 2 yrs ago she developed tic disorder, and im starting to see abusive behaviour in her. She physically and verbally hurts kids at school, we went to a party and she started on a girl. I had to get on the bouncy castle and calm her down and she was shouting you dont know what its like to be me! Im a bully and I cant help it. I talk to her alot ( bit believer in communication) she can be in tears about it because she really struggles to let things go. At school she talks back to teachers and doesnt do as shes told and she has to be prized off of me every morning going in. At home she can be so mean to me I go and cry. It also affects her siblings. She struggles with empathy and acts like she doesnt care about anything. But under it she has a huge heart and I know she cares so much. Now she is older she will hug me alot and tells me she loves me. But still not anyone else in our family, my mum always says can I have a hug, I wont kiss you and sometimes she will. I dont know what she has but being 9 and it escalating socially at school I need to find out. Ive been to drs lots of times but they never refer her. What do I do and any idea what is wrong with her. Thanks

Our Response:
Why will the doctors not refer her? She clearly has some problems that are distressing her? Has she ever been diagnosed with autism etc? Try contacting the Family Lives Helpline or find out whether you have a local parent partnership service to see whether they can offer any alternative support routes.
KidsBehaviour - 17-Oct-17 @ 10:04 AM
Sorry I forgot to say that she doesn't always have a problem and can be helpful. The thing is she brings it all home and I get double the grief. She hits me, calls me names it's really awful. I am I tears all the time. I don't have any help.
Sue - 17-Oct-17 @ 4:57 AM
My daughter is 9 years old and has been given a diagnosis of ODD possible CD and subline Adhd. However when in School she does her best too stay calm, most of her outbursts are at home. However, she does refuse to go School sometimes her School is aware of her condition but are now threatening me with court action. I am a Teacher the School does not care that court could cause problems with my future. More importantly they seem to be not taking her diagnosis into account what can i do. I am at a loss and my health has dteriated. The School is more interested in ticking boxes and having perfect attendance records than what's going on. I can't cope what can be done.
Sue - 17-Oct-17 @ 4:48 AM
I have a just turned 9yr old daughter youngest of 3 children. From very young ( under a yr old) she hated being kissed and would shrug physical touch off. As she got older she woukd hide when famiky arrived and left to avoid the hug and kisses part, she would sit on my lap but i wasnt aloud to put my hand on a knee or around her, unless she pulled my hand around herself! From age 3 or before she was defient stubborn and did the opposite to everything asked, if she knew she was winding someone up she would do it more. I have been the best i can dealing with her. 2 yrs ago she developed tic disorder, and im starting to see abusive behaviour in her. She physically and verbally hurts kids at school, we went to a party and she started on a girl. I had to get on the bouncy castle and calm her down and she was shouting you dont know what its like to be me! Im a bully and i cant help it. I talk to her alot ( bit believer in communication) she can be in tears about it because she really struggles to let things go. At school she talks back to teachers and doesnt do as shes told and she has to be prized off of me every morning going in. At home she can be so mean to me i go and cry. It also affects her siblings. She struggles with empathy and acts like she doesnt care about anything. But under it she has a huge heart andi know she cares so much. Now she is older she will hug me alot and tells me she loves me. But still not anyone else in our family, my mum always says can i have a hug, i wont kiss you and sometimes she will. I dont know what she has but being 9 and it escalating socially at school i need to find out. Ive been to drs lots of times but they never refer her. What do i do and any idea what is wrong with her. Thanks
Mimmie - 16-Oct-17 @ 12:40 AM
Looking for advise, I am at my wits end and I really don't know what to do anymore. I have a 9 year old daughter who is badly behaved, I believe she has ODD however I have been told time and again it's just a behavioural issue. She has me in tears to the point where I just wish I could run away forever. Her constant angry outbursts, yelling at me attacking things when it doesn't go her way. I try to punish het by grounding her but I then have to let her out as I can't get a minute for her constantly giving me grief and screaming at me. This is causing me severe depression and I really don't know what to do
Steph - 1-Oct-17 @ 2:16 AM
Hi I'm having terrible issues with my 5year oldboy.he is a fussy eaterrefusing to eat or try anything new esp fruit or veges.he is playing up at school disruptingclass not listening to teacher,fighting,not wanting to join in,anger issues,showing off,acting silly to get attention trying to be centre I attention,always wanting attention..i don't no wat to do it is becoming embarrassing because he is being delt with by deputy principal,etc classed as a naughty boy please help as I am due to have a new baby in two weeks and feel he is only gonna get worse.
needhelp - 5-Sep-17 @ 11:39 AM
sorry forgot to say he is a very angry child sometimes and aques with adults and just hits out at other children
bez - 30-Aug-17 @ 2:03 AM
9 year old grandson is evil to wareds animals he throw the kitten down stairs has thretened to stab a chilld on are streeet told other kids he is going kill there perants pored after shave over beds mixed bubblebath with other things set a fire in my bathroom i took him to gp and was told he is just a naughty 9 year old were can i get help
bez - 30-Aug-17 @ 1:59 AM
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