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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 21 May 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Odd Add

All kids go through difficult stages and could sometimes be described as "oppositional." There is an enormous difference between the normal defiance seen in two year olds (they don't call it the 'terrible twos' for nothing!) and the early teen years though and the chronic condition referred to as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Unlike behavioural issues in older kids and teens, ODD is typically seen in children younger than nine or ten years. A diagnosis of ODD requires that the child is defiant and disobedient, with a provocative quality to their behaviour. Tendencies toward cruelty or angry, violent aggression are not symptomatic of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and should be reported to the GP so that a correct diagnosis can be made and an appropriate treatment plan can be implemented.

Be aware that sometimes ODD can be confused with CD, or Conduct Disorder, which is actually a more severe version of ODD. The definition of CD is a serious childhood psychiatric disorder in which either major society rules, or the rights of others, are violated by the child at least three times in the last year, including at least once in the last six months. This includes physically abusing people or animals, arson, stealing and other digressions.

Symptoms of ODD
While parents shouldn't rush to the conclusion that their stubborn, sometimes defiant child has ODD, there are symptoms that may warrant a professional evaluation. Children with ODD are likely to act out in a number of situations, with school and home being the two places where behaviours are deemed most disruptive. Occasional emotional outbursts are considered a normal part of childhood, but if parents notice an ongoing pattern of the following behaviours, especially if the child's actions cause them difficulty in everyday functioning, a thorough evaluation is recommended:
  • Frequent and/or extreme temper tantrums
  • Tendency to be easily annoyed by others
  • Blatant refusal to comply with household or school rules
  • Takes argumentative stance with adults
  • Rude, uncooperative and confrontational attitude
  • Use of mean-spirited language when upset
  • Deliberate attempts to upset and annoy others
  • Frequent bursts of anger or resentful attitude
  • Tendency to place blame on others
  • Outward and belligerent defiance
  • Revengeful attitude
A professional evaluation can be of great assistance since it can be very difficult for parents to ascertain the root causes of their children's troubling behaviours. Additionally, children with other conditions, such as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), anxiety issues, mood disorders (including depression or bipolar disorder), or learning disabilities may exhibit similar symptoms, making diagnosis by an untrained parent especially difficult.

Causes of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
There is much speculation about the causes of ODD, with no definitive answers at this time. Many parents of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder do report that those children were rigid and demanding from an early age, compared to their siblings, raising the possibility that there may be biological or environmental factors involved. Some studies seem to indicate a tendency for ODD to run in families, strengthening the argument for a biological connection. Some experts believe that the condition is more common in children whose parents are hostile a lot of the time, or who tend to argue a lot.

It is estimated that at least five per cent of the population suffer from ODD, but the way it manifests itself can range greatly. Some children with the disorder tend to argue and talk back a lot, while others are overly hostile virtually all of the time. What holds true for most of the children, however, is that authority figures bear the brunt of the hostility - be they parents, teachers or others. As a result, they find school a difficult time, despite their intelligence, and often have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Experts believe that ODD is more common in a child who has been already been diagnosed with ADHD, although an exact link has not been established. In fact, as many as half the number of children with ADHD may also have ODD. Others believe that some sleep disorders may be mistaken for ODD. While the exact causes are still a bit of a mystery, treatment options are well-established.

Treatment Options
A number of treatment options have proved effective for the management of ODD. It is vital that parents are actively involved in their child's struggle to control inappropriate and troubling behaviour, so attending a parent training program can be quite helpful. Additionally, family psychotherapy may be beneficial in helping improve communication as the child attends individual therapy sessions to learn anger management techniques. Cognitive behavioural therapy and social skills training classes may be needed to help kids with ODD increase their problem solving skills while learning to interact more positively with peers and authority figures.

All of this can be difficult on parents, who often feel helpless and discouraged. Actively taking measures to help their children cope and function can be empowering for parents, making life easier for the whole family:

  • Offer children praise and encouragement when they are cooperative.
  • Refrain from arguing with children and make it clear that they will not engage in confrontational displays.
  • Establish reasonable and age-appropriate behavioural expectations and be consistent in following up with consequences for disobedience.
  • Learn and utilise stress management techniques. This will not only help them to cope with the pressures of raising a child with ODD, but will also provide good examples for their children.

Some parents of children with ODD offer other advice as well, which will not "cure" the condition but will help alleviate some of the symptoms. Limit the amount of television and computer time your child has, find out what interests they have and encourage them to develop them as much as possible, and enlist the help of others when you can.

Doing the Best for Your Child

Most parents of children with ODD know from a very early age that their child is different from others - in some cases, different from their other siblings. But having a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder need not be too disheartening, as there is help around. Several support groups now exist for parents of children with this disorder, as well as parents of kids with ADHD. Some parents find it easier for their children to find other children with ODD to play with; they seem to be on the same "wavelength" and get along well, with less squabbling and bickering.

What is vital is that parents get the support and encouragement they need, so that they can continue supporting and encouraging their own children. Once you can get the right diagnosis for your child you can take the right steps to learn more about ODD, and help your child live life to the full.

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I have reluctantly self diagnosed myself with this, at the age of 47, after a childhood filled with prescribed meds from Phenergan at 3 months, to Tryptizol, Largactil and L-Dopa all before I was 5 years old. Another era in childhood medicine, I know, but after suffering with depression throughout my adulthood, I have been researching whether or not those meds could have disrupted something as I was growing up. I then discovered O.D.D and it sums up how I felt as a child, constantly angry, feeling repressed, lonely, belligerent and downright nasty. I wanted the world to hurt with me. I would throw things at the neighbours, bit a child psychologist, lashed out at my brother,causing scarring, hurt myself on occasion just to prove a point and delighted in running away to hurt those who loved me the most. This despite a loving and stable home and a relaxed, laid back, wonderful younger brother. Being able to put a name to what I felt as a child, other than plain old hyperactivity, is a huge relief. I grew up to be a mostly well adjusted, reasonably happy, responsible adult, with a 'normal' adulthood, (although I remain extremely opinionated and argumentative, just in more constructive and definitely less physical ways)so I hope this gives some hope to those with youngsters who have this condition now.
Georgi3 - 21-May-17 @ 9:11 PM
sarahlou - Your Question:
My daughter is 2 year old and wont eat (she would live off yoghurts if allowed as this is the only thing that she will eat). she has major meltdowns to the point where she will bang her head off any surface possible, pull her hair, punch herself or bite herself, no matter how much we try she will not settle on a night usually resulting in not going to sleep while 3-4am.

Our Response:
It might help for you to speak to your health visitor or GP for advice. Sometimes just refusing to offer an alternative and waiting for your child to be hungry enough that they will eat anything can work, but professional advice should really be sought.
KidsBehaviour - 17-May-17 @ 12:37 PM
my daughter is 2 year old and wont eat (she would live off yoghurts if allowed as this is the only thing that she will eat). she has major meltdowns to the point where she will bang her head off any surface possible, pull her hair, punch herself or bite herself, no matter how much we try she will not settle on a night usually resulting in not going to sleep while 3-4am.
sarahlou - 16-May-17 @ 1:44 PM
My grandson is 13 i dont knw what to do he Reuses to go to school Fights with his mum and i Horrible to his young sister If we are walking outside he freeks out if we talk to him incase someone heres tells us to shush and runs away from you Seems to be paranoid Paces up and down when trying to tell you something cant stand still Stress ed out about school most of the time The constant one min ok then the next hes The excersist like you can actualy see his face change he has a vacant look about him then you knw hes going to kick off can be scary at times some times will try to harm him self found him in the wardrobe with something round his neck as if ti hang himself and when he does calm down he cant remember being like this
Libby - 28-Apr-17 @ 8:18 AM
My 2 year old daughter won't eat meals has mood swings crys a lot and sad I don't know what to the best of times the health visitor is a waste of time and when my daughter runs she bangs her head
Lou - 26-Apr-17 @ 11:00 PM
My 8 year old son is very difficult. he is diagnosed with ADHD and certainly displays the symptoms, but he is also very angry and aggressive towards me, his mum. He doesn't hit teachers or friends in anger (has occasionally hit friends in what he thinks is 'fun'). If I have to decline a demand of his, like a demand to buy a toy in a shop, he physically lashes out with kicks to my shins, slaps to my face or spitting in my face. He actively refuses to do what I ask him to, unless the mood takes him to agree. I am on egg shells as he rules the house. He won't do homework, he hits his older brother who is gentle and has mild ASD. He swears then looks in my eyes in a defiant way as if to say 'yes, I swore, and what are you going to do about it?'. He taunts his friends and adults. Once one of these episodes is over, he might break down in convulsive tears saying 'you're supposed to love me'. He has screamed vile things to his friends for no particular reason, like 'I wish you were dead' with the parent standing there. I thought up until now that things would improve and that he was just a kid acting out, and now I realise he is 8 next month and should be behaving better than this. His behaviour has broken our marriage up as there was eternal anger and rage in the house and we, as parents, have differing views on how to deal with outbursts. He deliberately refuses to get dressed for school right up until the time we are supposed to leave - it's like he enjoys causing trauma then he acts like the victim by crying. He's utterly disagreeable and unpleasant. No intervention seems to work. He can be pleasant in school, though distracted and distracting, but not nasty nor swearing. It seems the violence and swearing is all done to me. Is this just part of ADHD or is this more like ODD or ASD?
Little Mix - 24-Mar-17 @ 10:33 PM
My 8 year old son is very difficult. he is diagnosed with ADHD and certainly displays the symptoms, but he is also very angry and aggressive towards me, his mum. He doesn't hit teachers or friends in anger (has occasionally hit friends in what he thinks is 'fun'). If I have to decline a demand of his, like a demand to buy a toy in a shop, he physically lashes out with kicks to my shins, slaps to my face or spitting in my face. He actively refuses to do what I ask him to, unless the mood takes him to agree. I am on egg shells as he rules the house. He won't do homework, he hits his older brother who is gentle and has mild ASD. He swears then looks in my eyes in a defiant way as if to say 'yes, I swore, and what are you going to do about it?'. He taunts his friends and adults. Once one of these episodes is over, he might break down in convulsive tears saying 'you're supposed to love me'. He has screamed vile things to his friends for no particular reason, like 'I wish you were dead' with the parent standing there. I thought up until now that things would improve and that he was just a kid acting out, and now I realise he is 8 next month and should be behaving better than this. His behaviour has broken our marriage up as there was eternal anger and rage in the house and we, as parents, have differing views on how to deal with outbursts. He deliberately refuses to get dressed for school right up until the time we are supposed to leave - it's like he enjoys causing trauma then he acts like the victim by crying. He's utterly disagreeable and unpleasant. No intervention seems to work. He can be pleasant in school, though distracted and distracting, but not nasty nor swearing. It seems the violence and swearing is all done to me. Is this just part of ADHD or is this more like ODD or ASD?
Little Mix - 24-Mar-17 @ 1:00 PM
My 8 year old son is very difficult. he is diagnosed with ADHD and certainly displays the symptoms, but he is also very angry and aggressive towards me, his mum. He doesn't hit teachers or friends in anger (has occasionally hit friends in what he thinks is 'fun'). If I have to decline a demand of his, like a demand to buy a toy in a shop, he physically lashes out with kicks to my shins, slaps to my face or spitting in my face. He actively refuses to do what I ask him to, unless the mood takes him to agree. I am on egg shells as he rules the house. He won't do homework, he hits his older brother who is gentle and has mild ASD. He swears then looks in my eyes in a defiant way as if to say 'yes, I swore, and what are you going to do about it?'. He taunts his friends and adults. Once one of these episodes is over, he might break down in convulsive tears saying 'you're supposed to love me'. He has screamed vile things to his friends for no particular reason, like 'I wish you were dead' with the parent standing there. I thought up until now that things would improve and that he was just a kid acting out, and now I realise he is 8 next month and should be behaving better than this. His behaviour has broken our marriage up as there was eternal anger and rage in the house and we, as parents, have differing views on how to deal with outbursts. He deliberately refuses to get dressed for school right up until the time we are supposed to leave - it's like he enjoys causing trauma then he acts like the victim by crying. He's utterly disagreeable and unpleasant. No intervention seems to work. He can be pleasant in school, though distracted and distracting, but not nasty nor swearing. It seems the violence and swearing is all done to me. Is this just part of ADHD or is this more like ODD or ASD?
Little Mix - 23-Mar-17 @ 1:01 PM
My 8 year old son is very difficult. he is diagnosed with ADHD and certainly displays the symptoms, but he is also very angry and aggressive towards me, his mum. He doesn't hit teachers or friends in anger (has occasionally hit friends in what he thinks is 'fun'). If I have to decline a demand of his, like a demand to buy a toy in a shop, he physically lashes out with kicks to my shins, slaps to my face or spitting in my face. He actively refuses to do what I ask him to, unless the mood takes him to agree. I am on egg shells as he rules the house. He won't do homework, he hits his older brother who is gentle and has mild ASD. He swears then looks in my eyes in a defiant way as if to say 'yes, I swore, and what are you going to do about it?'. He taunts his friends and adults. Once one of these episodes is over, he might break down in convulsive tears saying 'you're supposed to love me'. He has screamed vile things to his friends for no particular reason, like 'I wish you were dead' with the parent standing there. I thought up until now that things would improve and that he was just a kid acting out, and now I realise he is 8 next month and should be behaving better than this. His behaviour has broken our marriage up as there was eternal anger and rage in the house and we, as parents, have differing views on how to deal with outbursts. He deliberately refuses to get dressed for school right up until the time we are supposed to leave - it's like he enjoys causing trauma then he acts like the victim by crying. He's utterly disagreeable and unpleasant. No intervention seems to work. He can be pleasant in school, though distracted and distracting, but not nasty nor swearing. It seems the violence and swearing is all done to me. Is this just part of ADHD or is this more like ODD or ASD?
Little Mix - 19-Mar-17 @ 4:53 PM
My son ain't long turned 8 in August ,I just don't no what to do any more e was kicked out is old school then come to a new school was put on a part timetable now recently as a full day e just as anger outbursts ,something can be so small for him to switch on me when I say no to him e will pick a hard toy up and start waking it off is head wishing is was dead,he's always putting is self in danger e will be crawl to animals likes lighting fires ,e even as tryed to stab me a few times with a knife ,e did go to camhs and they saying its not adhd but as a mother I no there is something wrong as my other children ain't like him ,I'm so depressed all the time I just don't no what is gonna do nxt psychological am going in the school in the nxt month things crossed I love him with all my heart i just don't no what to do anymore I just feel like I failed as a mother es been like it for years and e seems to be getting worst as es getting older I feel trapped and es my own son its like I'm in a big hole in doing a parent course at the min just to try and help me but no one understands my son only family and friends who see him even thing there's something wrong....
hayley0902 - 1-Mar-17 @ 10:51 AM
I have a 6 yr old grandson that lives with his great grandparents and has recently been diagnosed with Adha and ODD, he will be playing and so calm and then next thing we see is him throwing things across the room moving the furniture and just have a terrible mad look on his face,and then he will scream to top of lungs if any other kids are around he will say get them out of hear before i hurt them so we remove rhe kids, the he will starting hitting kicking pinching who ever is near him Dr has said to hold him down wrap in blanket if need to so we hold him down this lasts for 20 to 30 minutes while holding down we watch his face and still a mad look and eyes look like they roll back into his head like he possed by something (hope thats not the case) this happens at least 4 times a week,he also will hold his chest like he is having a heart attack and bow up like laying on back and use his head and feet to arch his back and rolling back and forth holding chest its scary for us to watch. Can anyone give me any in put on this we just want him better
ton ton - 28-Feb-17 @ 4:33 PM
i have a son who's 12 13 in May and I dnt know what to do anymore. he steals money from me and his step dad and sisters. He pinches food and not say he's took it I know it's only good but it's the principle of it all I dnt like liers or thieves. he doesn't listen to what he's been told we've took everything off him and tried to make him realise what he's done is wrong. but he dnt understand he says he's sorry when we have proof it's him etc what is wrong with my son Cuz he keeps doing it. Now he's turning round and telling us and his siblings to go and die What's upsetting
nikki - 23-Feb-17 @ 11:34 AM
My daughter is nearly 5, I have been struggling to cope with her behaviour while my other 3 children are fine and don't act the way she does, she refuses to go to the toilet all through the school time she is wetting herself teachers are refusing to do anything about it so she stays wet all day and even at home is she constantly wetting herself weight on the floor, not changing and even nighttime she still has a nappy and in the morning it is still sopping wet, her behaviour she won't listen she hits her sister all the time she runs off whenever she can she winds her brothers up throws toys even put herself in dangerous situations at home lies about it when given homework she refuses to do it even become violent by hitting myself and my husband I have tried naughty step I refuse to attend parenting classes as my other three children don't behaviour like her we have strict routine due to our son has autism she refuses to eat most of them time as she won't sit still she has constantly got to love about and she barely sleeps she constantly gets up in the night too I'm at my wits end as to what to do as teachers refuse to help, health vistor say this is normal behaviour she will grow out of it I have read the jo frost and self help books please anyone got any advice because me and my husband can't take anymore we don't have any health professions to help
Amy.b - 25-Jan-17 @ 5:39 PM
I am 15, my sister is 13 and my brother is 10 and we have all had good upbringings. Me and my sister generally behave well. Our brother does not. In the last couple of years maybe more, he has become very disruptive and disobedient and it is affecting out family life. He gets his own way easily though because he is the youngest and it's just easier to give him what he wants than to argue because the arguments are so big and tiring, me and my sister are both in high school and I'm studying my GCSEs and our parents don't want his behaviour to affect our learning. The main problem is his Xbox, we always say that he's "addicted" to it because of the way he acts when he's asked to come off even for a short period of time like for to eat. He spends A LOT of time on it! He will scream and shout and throw things and stamp he feel and slam doors, quite a few times he has destroyed his room and the bathroom. He also has these spurts or outbursts when asked to do simple tasks like brush his teeth or go to bed, he will sit on the stairs while you try to make him do these things and every time you speak he will just shout and stamp his feet and make so much sound that you can't be heard. These small things are very frequent but no where near as bad as they used to be. Getting him to complete homework is like having world war three in our house and I know that getting any young boy to do homework is hard but he screams and shouts and kicks at us and eight out of ten times the whole family will get involved and we all fall out over one piece of homework. When we go away for a week or even just a weekend his behaviour hugely improves. He can switch so quickly from nice to naughty. He argues with our parents SO MUCH over the smallest of things but he knows that he will always win and get what he wants so he never backs down. Me and my sister try to stop the arguments but by getting involved they get worse and can lead to violence between us (not our parents) it almost always leads to us getting angry with our parents too because of letting him get his own way. His behaviour is affecting our whole family and I believe that the source of the problem is the X-box and iPad and because of how easily he gets away with things. Also me and my sister find it unfair when he gets away with big things and when we do small things we will get in trouble and we understand that it's clearly easier to tell us off than him because we don't kick off in the way that he does. The problem isn't as clear at school and he behaves fairly well at school and most of the time in public he is ok too but I think that could just be because when he asks for something we have to give it him or we know what will happen. Our parents have contacted school but I don't think they got much out of it and we believe that they should go to the doctors because he is pretty much destroying our family but we aren't sure what we can do to help and what the best thing to for him is. All we want i
Amy - 7-Jan-17 @ 9:59 PM
My stepson is 9...he's had a rough upbrining...his mother neglected him as a baby he didn't hit developmental milestones when he should have...his father worked full time but did what he could for him...they constantly fought about how she didn't take good care of him they eventually separated and did 50 50 custody...there were times she kept him from his dad for long periods which confused him and eventually when he was 5 she moved across the country leaving him behind... I've been a mother figure since he was 3 but when he was 5 he started living with us full time he struggled with his mom leaving and I got the brunt of his anger...if I weren't here his mom would be with dad so I was the problem...we did counseling and our relationship did improve over time...he also was put on adHD medication he's still on strong dose he struggles to sit still focus for a period of time even on the medicine a lot of the time he will say how he can't even stand himself.... he constantly tries to act as though he's in charge if you ask him to sit he says he's going to stand, constantly tries parenting sister and step brother, butting into our conversations when I'm trying to discuss something with another child...he will continously ask the same question 10 different ways in a row...can I have a snack, I say no you just ate lunch we can have a snack around 2 ... can I have a go Gogurt? No not until 2... Is it 2...no is 1230 well why can't I have a snack now...and it will just keep going until I start yelling which I try hard not to do...he can't seem to stop himself and impulsively destroys things or touches thing's when he knows he shouldn't....such as ripping curtains down or his dad's tools etc... he argues with everything I say even if he knows he's wrong... I'll say the sky is blue he'll argue it's green... he is socially awkward and doesn't always act age appropriate in situations....he pees on things when upset or jealous like his step brothers toys or sisters bed etc but doesn't do this often it's random...he struggles academically at school especially in reading... our other 2 kids don't act out as much I know he is struggling a lot and I've hung in for 5 years but I'm at my wits end and ready to walk away from my relationship because of all these quirks...his dad doesn't see it or doesn't want to see it and he works from 4am to 530 and doesn't have to deal with it and typically gets mad at me when I tell him these things...he's convinced I hate his son and favor my own children... I know I love his son and sometimes I do struggle because I'm not his mother I feel I don't get a say in a child I'm raising at times it does n are it difficult on us all....I don't feel like I treat the kids differently but each child is different and has different needs at different times I try to use whatever works best for each child as an individual but they all have same set of rules n consequences...I need help in knowing what I can do
Crys - 3-Jan-17 @ 4:54 PM
I am a mum of 5 children, my problem is with my son who is 9. And is also a middle child. He has always been different and I put this down to him beihgvthe middle child, he goes from one extreme to the other. Super nice and loving to a angry and violent little boy who can see nothing but red and god help anyone who gets in his way. He spends most of his time trying to beat up his siblings and then verbally abusing me by telling me that he wants to kill himself and that he's not my favourite child. Please be aware that he is treated no different to anyone else, they all attend clubs, are given one on one time. I have attended a parenting course and give him and the others plenty or positive praise but he appears to take pleasure out of making everyone's life's a misery. It's so sad to see this little boy who I know has so much love inside him Saturday by such horrible things, he is unable to self praise and puts himself down even when we tell him how well he is doing or he great something is. The impact he is having on our family is huge and it is making my other children scared to be around him and they are walking in egg shells in their own home. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Themaybunch - 20-Dec-16 @ 9:29 PM
This is a continuum from my other comment. Throws things when he is much old enough to know better, laughs while throwing things at me or when I cry, laughs when he's doing other tormenting behavior,hits his head repeatedly and throws his toys in the trash, gets mad at "the wall" etc if he runs into something and it hurts blames inanimate objects, screeches and yells and seems like he's never satisfied, barely eats, has zero stopping sense and will not respect "personal space" can't stand the sound of someone eating, goes ballistic about a hair cut, always wants to roughhouse. He wakes up cranky every single morning almost. But I truly think he is getting enough quality sleep, I don't think he eats enough though so maybe he's hunger angry but he's so picky he onky will eat like 4 diff things. Some of the time he is very angry about something , other times he's oddly happy while doing things a person in anger would do, and a small part of him is just my sweet child that I used to know. He has not had any learning delays or physical delays. He didn't use the toilet until right before turning 4. He's smart and I know he has learned positivity and compassion when he is being nice and normal although unfortunately, the bad behavior is bow "the normal" ... it's becoming so hard on me mentally and emotionally,that I now will feel sick to my stomach sometimes when he walks in the room (please know I do not act resentful though but I sincerely feel horrified anxiety almost nausea sometimes because I never know what to expect) I realize there are surely a million things I may be done wrong,however,I a seriously questioning these red flags.. I just don't think they are completely normal . Would appreciate so,me opinion or if it's criticism please make it nice constructive,as I am always open to improving and learning. Please if you read this and have some input please comment !!
Chels - 18-Dec-16 @ 1:47 AM
My son changed when he turned 4. In a nutshell, he will have random spells where he begins to poke and prod at me laughingly to then throwing any and everything he may find in the room AT me, he never respects when told to stop. He did hit me etc but I immediately stopped that..... this entire time he will be laughing hysterically. He will then start to knock off everything on a table trying to destroy while cracking up. I thought maybe he is doing this for attention and boredom, but I have made sure to provide him with my un divided attention and since day one he has always been told I love him and he has mostly positive surroundings. It's strangest to me that these episodes don't "seem" to come from violence or anger, although I assume theres more to it... this occurs often and no type of discipline, positive reward, consequence, etc etc will stop him the next time. When he is corrected for wrongdoing, I never tell him he 'is bad' or make him feel thay hes a bad child, I try to learn as much as I can about parenting in general. I'm ofcourse not perfect in anyway , and he has experienced a separation of his dad and me, and when younger he did unfortunately witness arguments, although no physical violence. I'm not proud of the conflict he had to witness, but I also do not talk badly about his dad. His dad has disengaged drastically ever since he left us. So my son went from daddy to uncle dad once a week (son does not ever want to stay overnight with his dad) ... he doesn't talk about it and he acts like it hasn't bothered him but deep down I wonder he must feel hurt , I certainly am still sad about it all. Maybe he can pick up on my sadness, I just don't know. Although I do know that his goal in life is to :rough house , rough house, play rough, and to annoy or start trouble EVERY time family is in a room talking . Basically he can't accept when all attention isn't on him.. he is a bit spoiled from his grandfather. But he now seems alwys grumpy and on edge I feel like walking on eggshells almost, he behaves wonderful at his preschool.He screams , screetches, judt does annoying things and says bad things many times for no apparent reason he also goes crazy angry when he hears anyone eat. Like he wont eat dinner and if im snacking on something for example, he will scream for me to "stop eating, spit it out , stop eating, leave the roo,m" when he's the one that walked up to me while I was snacking. He just is so annoying and strange and NEVER shows he understands taking responsibility for his actions he will blame anything other than himself.He will sometimes hit his head and throw his toys in the trash when he gets corrected. He absolutely will not let anyone cut his hair, it's so sad having to hold him down physically while he screams as if he's being hurt . I love him so very much and he's so fun and sweet when he's being nice which is basically only when he gets sugar from my dad.I could continue but thone are the main
Chels - 18-Dec-16 @ 1:34 AM
Hi my son has changed so much in the last 12 months he is 11 currntly being assessed for ADHD he will not and refuses to listen to me what so ever he takes a lot of dangerous risks been in high school since Sept I cannot recall one full day of education he on pastime timetable I feel like I'm slowly losing him I love Him more than anything but nothing I say helps
marie37 - 30-Nov-16 @ 4:42 PM
Linda L - Your Question:
My grandson is aged 51/2 and living with me currently on an interim care order. After a year of being moved to different accommodations for safety with his mother, (DV case) he has been with me for just over 2 months. He has missed a great amount of school previously. He has started to see his parents for contact and I have noticed s massive change in his behaviour, from being settled and appearing happy, to crying, screaming, kicking, appearing belligerent, tale telling on his siblings, no laughing or smiling, pretending to be asleep, plus now does not want to get in the car and once in does not want to get out. He has fallen asleep on the front door mat after an episode of screaming. He has worsened since seeing his parents and I believe is regressing. Any thoughts as to how we can get him help?

Our Response:
Please ask a professional for help here, social services or your GP might be the best ones to turn to. It does seem as though it's the contact withthe parents that's triggering it.
KidsBehaviour - 21-Nov-16 @ 12:07 PM
My grandson is aged 51/2 and living with me currently on an interim care order. After a year of being moved to different accommodations for safety with his mother, (DV case) he has been with me for just over 2 months. He has missed a great amount of school previously. He has started to see his parents for contact and I have noticed s massive change in his behaviour, from being settled and appearing happy, to crying, screaming, kicking, appearing belligerent, tale telling on his siblings, no laughing or smiling, pretending to be asleep, plus now does not want to get in the car and once in does not want to get out. He has fallen asleep on the front door mat after an episode of screaming. He has worsened since seeing his parents and I believe is regressing. Any thoughts as to how we can get him help?
Linda L - 19-Nov-16 @ 5:27 AM
Hughie- Your Question:
Our 9 year old sons behaviour has changed dramatically over the last 3 months. We live in a stable but busy household as both me and my wife own businesses. He's generally well behaved and like any child he has his "moments". During year 4 his reading and writing had improved and he finished year 4 with a great report. Since starting year 5 however he's spiralled into a pattern we're worried about. It's not every day, but he can turn from being fine one minute, to being stubborn, rude, disobedient, disruptive and "disengaged" both at home and school. We know our careers and businesses also put a high demand on our time but we're generally always there for him. He does spend a lot of time on his iPad and more recently on YouTube in particular. This could be one cause of the downturn and any thoughts or ideas on alternative ways to re-engage our son would be appreciated.

Our Response:
You could try checking with school to make sure there are no other problems that might be the root cause of this. Certainly limiting his ipad time and making sure you know what he's looking at/playing will be worth doing. Make sure he has a strict routine and is getting plenty of exercise/eating healthily etc - and try to schedule in some fun, family time with him. If things don't improve, you can investigate further to see if there's another cause.
KidsBehaviour - 16-Nov-16 @ 2:20 PM
Our 9 year old sons behaviourhas changed dramatically over the last 3 months. We live in a stable but busy household as both me and my wife own businesses. He's generally well behaved and like any child he has his "moments". During year 4 his reading and writing had improved and he finished year 4 with a great report. Since starting year 5 however he's spiralled into a pattern we're worried about. It's not every day, but he can turn from being fine one minute, to being stubborn, rude, disobedient, disruptive and "disengaged" both at home and school. We know our careers and businesses also put a high demand on our time but we're generally always there for him. He does spend a lot of time on his iPad and more recently on YouTube in particular. This could be one cause of the downturn and any thoughts or ideas on alternative ways to re-engage our son would be appreciated.
Hughie - 16-Nov-16 @ 7:34 AM
Mum - Your Question:
Hi am a mum of two I don't now watt has gone rong with my son I is refusing to go to school I am so warriored about him I try all that I now but it's just a fight every day how can I cope it not easy am safering in side I am to the end of its now I love him he is only ten if any one has or is going through the same thing I have spoken to the school were can I get help it's going on to long thank you

Our Response:
Why has the school not offered you help with this? There must be some reason why your ten year old son is refusing to go to school every day. If the school hasn't offered any help, try your local education authority - they have specialist education welfare officers who deal with this.
KidsBehaviour - 15-Nov-16 @ 2:34 PM
Kris- Your Question:
I am very close to my sister who has a 5 year old daughter. recently I have moved in with them and it's very difficult to watch my neice literally abuse her mom when forced to do something she doesn't want to do. my sister is a single parent, and the father has never been in the picture. She is an amazing parent, she has so much patience and she puts 100 % of her time and effort into making sure her daughter is well cared for. Since my neice was very young my sister has had the motto "she's (her daughter) the boss" and it has been a hurdle to undo that damage ever since. When my neice is forced to do something she refuses to do (like take medicine - after various techniques are attempted - like making it a game, bribes, etc) she will throw a tantrum which includes hitting, biting, and attacking my sister. She has left scars all over my sister's forearms from previous attacks. my sister is very stressed out since recently she started kindergarten and the teacher says she is hitting other kids and being bossy. my neice swears she never did anything the teacher reported and she never had problems in her previous daycares in the past. my sister has reported the behavior issues to her GP but with no avail. I feel like I am living with a little boss who makes my choices for me. for example I need to leave and she doesn't want me to go. if I do leave she throws a fit and attacks her mom and I feel like I have created a problem and leave mom to deal with it, so I'll almost always be late leaving because I'm trying to think of a way she Will allow me to leave peacefully. usually after I make it a game or allow her to walk me out, but it doesn't always work. a lot of the time I feel there is too much power given to this child in order to avoid her explosive meltdowns that can sometimes last hours and result in physical harm to herself. it's hard to watch something and have very little control over it. could she have this disorder? should my sister insist her GP look at the issues again? my neice is super sweet and great most of the time but when she's not it's very very extreme.

Our Response:
We don't know your niece so cannot really comment but from what you've said, this behaviour is more because she's been allowed to have her way from an early age. Your sister may simply have to make the effort to try and break this pattern of behaviour.
KidsBehaviour - 14-Nov-16 @ 2:20 PM
Hi am a mum of two I don't nowwatt has gone rong with my son I isrefusing to go to school I am so warriored about him I try all that I now but it's just a fight every day how can I cope it not easy am safering in side I am to the end of its now I love him he is only ten if any one has or is going through the same thing I have spoken to the school were can I get help it's going on to longthank you
Mum - 14-Nov-16 @ 1:37 PM
I am very close to my sister who has a 5 year old daughter. recently I have moved in with them and it's very difficult to watch my neice literally abuse her mom when forced to do something she doesn't want to do. my sister is a single parent, and the father has never been in the picture. She is an amazing parent, she has so much patience and she puts 100 % of her time and effort into making sure her daughter is well cared for. Since my neice was very young my sister has had the motto "she's (her daughter) the boss" and it has been a hurdle to undo that damage ever since.When my neice is forced to do something she refuses to do (like take medicine - after various techniques are attempted - like making it a game, bribes, etc) she will throw a tantrum which includes hitting, biting, and attacking my sister. She has left scars all over my sister's forearms from previous attacks. my sister is very stressed out since recently she started kindergarten and the teacher says she is hitting other kids and being bossy. my neice swears she never did anything the teacher reported and she never had problems in her previous daycares in the past. my sister has reported the behavior issues to her GP but with no avail. I feel like I am living with a little boss who makes my choices for me. for example I need to leave and she doesn't want me to go. if I do leave she throws a fit and attacks her mom and I feel like I have created a problem and leave mom to deal with it, so I'll almost always be late leaving because I'm trying to think of a way she Will allow me to leave peacefully. usually after I make it a game or allow her to walk me out, but it doesn't always work. a lot of the time I feel there is too much power given to this child in order to avoid her explosive meltdowns that can sometimes last hours and result in physical harm to herself. it's hard to watch something and have very little control over it. could she have this disorder? should my sister insist her GP look at the issues again? my neice is super sweet and great most of the time but when she's not it's very very extreme..
Kris - 11-Nov-16 @ 12:05 AM
My 7 year old Grandaughteris constantlyfallingand hurting herself. She is confrontational when you check her and she.cries for the least little thing. I'm wondering if anything medically is wrong.
Capricorn - 30-Oct-16 @ 9:13 PM
My 11 year old son can be loving and well behaved and one on one is the perfect child. He argues and fights with his brother who is 18 months younger and he can be very spiteful. He has tantrums on a regular basis and his language during a tantrum can be diabolical. He is bright and does well in class but during un-structured play he will often get into trouble and have fights and it is NEVER his fault. He has occasionally been rude at school but fortunately that is rare. He has just started secondary and for a few weeks everything was calm and I thought I had a new child as during the summer break I was almost ready to give him away. He does not really have any friends and even with my friends children he will often soon have a falling out. My husband (his dad) and I have tried our best but I am often the brunt of his bad moods. Once or twice he has tried to lash out and kick me and recently he broke his bed during a tantrum and then cried he didn't mean to do it and was so sorry. Once he calms down he will be loving again until the next time..... I don't know if this is ODD but he appears to tick most of the boxes. I will contact my GP on Monday after reading this but after having another day ruined I am at my wits end. Any thoughts and advice please will be appreciated.
Hoop - 29-Oct-16 @ 4:46 PM
Is there a support group available?? I think my youngest may have this "condition" too....I don't want to label him I just want help him express himself....many thank in advance
Mommajoon81 - 22-Oct-16 @ 9:10 PM
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