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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 25 Aug 2020 | comments*Discuss
 
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Odd Add

All kids go through difficult stages and could sometimes be described as "oppositional." There is an enormous difference between the normal defiance seen in two year olds (they don't call it the 'terrible twos' for nothing!) and the early teen years though and the chronic condition referred to as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Unlike behavioural issues in older kids and teens, ODD is typically seen in children younger than nine or ten years. A diagnosis of ODD requires that the child is defiant and disobedient, with a provocative quality to their behaviour. Tendencies toward cruelty or angry, violent aggression are not symptomatic of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and should be reported to the GP so that a correct diagnosis can be made and an appropriate treatment plan can be implemented.

Be aware that sometimes ODD can be confused with CD, or Conduct Disorder, which is actually a more severe version of ODD. The definition of CD is a serious childhood psychiatric disorder in which either major society rules, or the rights of others, are violated by the child at least three times in the last year, including at least once in the last six months. This includes physically abusing people or animals, arson, stealing and other digressions.

Symptoms of ODD
While parents shouldn't rush to the conclusion that their stubborn, sometimes defiant child has ODD, there are symptoms that may warrant a professional evaluation. Children with ODD are likely to act out in a number of situations, with school and home being the two places where behaviours are deemed most disruptive. Occasional emotional outbursts are considered a normal part of childhood, but if parents notice an ongoing pattern of the following behaviours, especially if the child's actions cause them difficulty in everyday functioning, a thorough evaluation is recommended:
  • Frequent and/or extreme temper tantrums
  • Tendency to be easily annoyed by others
  • Blatant refusal to comply with household or school rules
  • Takes argumentative stance with adults
  • Rude, uncooperative and confrontational attitude
  • Use of mean-spirited language when upset
  • Deliberate attempts to upset and annoy others
  • Frequent bursts of anger or resentful attitude
  • Tendency to place blame on others
  • Outward and belligerent defiance
  • Revengeful attitude
A professional evaluation can be of great assistance since it can be very difficult for parents to ascertain the root causes of their children's troubling behaviours. Additionally, children with other conditions, such as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), anxiety issues, mood disorders (including depression or bipolar disorder), or learning disabilities may exhibit similar symptoms, making diagnosis by an untrained parent especially difficult.

Causes of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
There is much speculation about the causes of ODD, with no definitive answers at this time. Many parents of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder do report that those children were rigid and demanding from an early age, compared to their siblings, raising the possibility that there may be biological or environmental factors involved. Some studies seem to indicate a tendency for ODD to run in families, strengthening the argument for a biological connection. Some experts believe that the condition is more common in children whose parents are hostile a lot of the time, or who tend to argue a lot.

It is estimated that at least five per cent of the population suffer from ODD, but the way it manifests itself can range greatly. Some children with the disorder tend to argue and talk back a lot, while others are overly hostile virtually all of the time. What holds true for most of the children, however, is that authority figures bear the brunt of the hostility - be they parents, teachers or others. As a result, they find school a difficult time, despite their intelligence, and often have a hard time making and keeping friends.

Experts believe that ODD is more common in a child who has been already been diagnosed with ADHD, although an exact link has not been established. In fact, as many as half the number of children with ADHD may also have ODD. Others believe that some sleep disorders may be mistaken for ODD. While the exact causes are still a bit of a mystery, treatment options are well-established.

Treatment Options
A number of treatment options have proved effective for the management of ODD. It is vital that parents are actively involved in their child's struggle to control inappropriate and troubling behaviour, so attending a parent training program can be quite helpful. Additionally, family psychotherapy may be beneficial in helping improve communication as the child attends individual therapy sessions to learn anger management techniques. Cognitive behavioural therapy and social skills training classes may be needed to help kids with ODD increase their problem solving skills while learning to interact more positively with peers and authority figures.

All of this can be difficult on parents, who often feel helpless and discouraged. Actively taking measures to help their children cope and function can be empowering for parents, making life easier for the whole family:

  • Offer children praise and encouragement when they are cooperative.
  • Refrain from arguing with children and make it clear that they will not engage in confrontational displays.
  • Establish reasonable and age-appropriate behavioural expectations and be consistent in following up with consequences for disobedience.
  • Learn and utilise stress management techniques. This will not only help them to cope with the pressures of raising a child with ODD, but will also provide good examples for their children.

Some parents of children with ODD offer other advice as well, which will not "cure" the condition but will help alleviate some of the symptoms. Limit the amount of television and computer time your child has, find out what interests they have and encourage them to develop them as much as possible, and enlist the help of others when you can.

Doing the Best for Your Child

Most parents of children with ODD know from a very early age that their child is different from others - in some cases, different from their other siblings. But having a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder need not be too disheartening, as there is help around. Several support groups now exist for parents of children with this disorder, as well as parents of kids with ADHD. Some parents find it easier for their children to find other children with ODD to play with; they seem to be on the same "wavelength" and get along well, with less squabbling and bickering.

What is vital is that parents get the support and encouragement they need, so that they can continue supporting and encouraging their own children. Once you can get the right diagnosis for your child you can take the right steps to learn more about ODD, and help your child live life to the full.

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I can empathize with every single comment here, especially with Suz. I have been told this is a "parenting issue" too, by a G.P. Apparently we are not strict enough, but how do you instill consequences in a child who really doesn't care about anything? CAHMS don't want to know. The school aren't especially helpful. Doctor's just say to "speak to the school nurse." You go through every day full of shame, because you KNOW something isn't right with your child, you hear people gossiping about their bad behaviour but you have no advice from anyone as to how to deal with the situation and improve things.
Lauran - 25-Aug-20 @ 5:13 PM
My 9 yr old son has always been challenging. He says awful things to me & his 10 yr old sister. So disrespectful, ungreatful, swears, sulks, demanding, answers back, argues. Every day is exhausting. Last week he told me he hopes I die of cancer. I started reading up & came across ODD which sounds like him to a T I’m going to call my GP & pray it starts the ball rolling. He’s full of rage & has also said things like ‘i wish I was dead’ & ‘I’m going to kill myself’ it’s all so worrying.
kloblingin - 21-Jul-20 @ 4:32 PM
My 11yr old daughter was commented on by a health visitor at 1 month as having the worst temper she has ever seen in such a young baby... fast forward 11yrs through temper tantrums, stomach aches from toys not doing what she wants, manipulative behaviour etc and she is so defiant against absolutely everything at home. From, oh you really suit your hair like that ( comes back 2 mins later with different hair lol ) to throwing skateboards and bruising me, kicking me, swearing, calling me names, not allowing me to leave a room,and has recently started self harming, saying she hates her life because I’m strict and wants to die when she can’t get her own way. And yet because she is the perfect pupil at school (but erupts as soon as she’s home) I get turned away from any help at all...
Cols - 6-Jul-20 @ 10:41 AM
My daughter is 7 she doesn't listen she yells screams hit walls she even hits herself in the face she's abusive and mean towards her 4 yr old brother she tells us she hates us I took her to she a therapist and it doesn't help we took her to a psychiatrist and still don't work the things they tell us to do we already do it when she's around other people she's good but as soon as she gets home she starts screaming blaming her brother she's very disrespectful I just don't know what to do anymore
Pam - 11-Jun-20 @ 12:49 AM
I have a 30 year old daughter who has learning disabilities and dyspraxia also suffer with cerebral atrophy. Since the age of 11 she has episodes of hitting vulnerable people or animals, like her best friend she tried to burn her using hair straighteners then our pet dog she would secretly kick him, then another pet dog, and now my grandson got hit by her. I’m at my wits end don’t know what to do. Any helpful tips. Oh yes and then sometimes she would ring the police because she feels she needs to be punished.
Gurz - 21-May-20 @ 7:23 PM
Hi I have a 12 year old that doesn't listen toanything I say will not follow any home rules and lashingout at home and in school when he cant cope with things he will not keep the tv down he will turn it back up when I have been in to turn it down he will not stop running around after his young brother when hes been told to stop it he will also wind this older brother up to get them fighting and he will swear non stop at at me and say nasty things to really hurt my feelings he will swear at teachers in school and filp tables and chairs in school as wel as at home it's like walking on eggshells around him wounding when hes going to start again day in and out I don't know what to do cause I have tryd everything
Babyangel1988 - 12-Feb-20 @ 10:03 AM
I can relate to everyone I have a 9 ur old daughter she always thinks she is right.. I argue with her everyday she don’t listen to me or her 16 ur old brother.. when she go to friends houses or her grandparent house she is so good she listens to them and don’t talk back but when she comes back home in less than 3 she starts with her brother and me.. it’s like we can’t say Otho good to her.. she screams and yell she fights back at me when I try to give her Spankings which I hardly ever give her spanking but when I do she fights back at me. Her brother and her don’t get along I just don’t know what to do with her behavior she was a good little girl until she startedelementary school.. I feel so ashamed bc I don’t have control her my own child..
T - 6-Nov-19 @ 9:17 PM
My 7 year old is showing signs of ODD. He hits me teachers sibling and anyone in his path if hes angry. No one will help me whatsoever... school have started to take me seriously since he tried punch a teacher hides under tables and runs off. Both at home at nans at school when we are out and I'm struggling for people to listen and take seriously.He trashes the house and even thinks it's ok because it's always someelses fault... need to know what to do.
Boodle - 24-Oct-19 @ 10:52 PM
The information I received was helpful. I amChild Psycholost.
rosiefavour - 30-Sep-19 @ 7:48 PM
My daughter is 6 years old she is becoming so draining she don't listen or do as her told melt down if don't get own way rude shouts at me hits kicks out in rage spits pulls faces and just laughs when tell her off nasty and annoying to her sister I really don't know what to do any more waiting for cahms at the moment docs referred her someone please help!
Zo - 19-Aug-19 @ 8:14 PM
My daughter has displayed ODD since very young. Here in Lancashire we cannot get a diagnosis. Camhs refuse to see her and say this is a parenting issue. Which is devastating to hear. As parents of 2 other children we know this conclusion is very wrong. So we are sadly in a constant circle. We need a diagnosis to be able to help her properly but cannot get one. We are being let down by the system Massively.
Suz - 28-Jul-19 @ 10:19 AM
My son is now 13. He is the youngest of 5. I have always known there was 'something' different with Josh. I have a 22 year old diagnosed at 7 with severe speech & language disorder who is just the most beautiful mannered child ever! Kosh however from the age of around 9 I noticed how argumentative he was. If I was wearing white hed say its cream. If I said I'm hot he would say it's cold. With everything he will say the opposite. It's a great way to get him to eat his dinner as my husband would say 'you are never going to manage to eat all that'. Josh will go all out to prove him wrong! Dinner times are stressful when it comes to the family talking.. you are just waiting for that moment for the atmosphere to change because he is right. He has no friends.. he is now a loner.. he looks deeply depressed & never smiles. He was urgently referred for councilling & even she is struggling with him. She has never experienced this before. He is not rude or aggressive.. he never swears either! His social skills are awful & never any eye contact. I'm battling with him & no longer know what to do.
Ellabella - 5-Jul-19 @ 3:26 PM
My daughter keeps having these out bust and she hits and kicks and pushing me and throwing things at me she under professional help but I'm not sure what else to do any more.
Jakle - 16-Jun-19 @ 1:39 AM
My son. Age 11, refuses to allow my wash his clothes he will wear same pants and trousers for weeks and I have to grab them a d wash them without him seeing or he becomes historical and rude. I have told him that a pesky fox takes certain items from the washing line that are too small or torn so he wears something else. He then wears new clothes no problem Is he just being difficult and if so how do I help change this. It's exhaustingor is this a sign of something more cognitive.
Floopy - 5-Jun-19 @ 10:30 PM
My 7yr old daughter is well behaved in school and for friends parents but the second she walks into our home or is with us she is like a Jekyll n hyde. Argues back, answers to everything, constantly eating and sneaking food out, delays bedtime, bullies her 9yr old brother and cheeky to her older siblings, nasty to our pets, pulls faces/tounges, never tidying up after herself, if she don't get what she wants she will not stop nagging then gets upset and throws up. I could go on. I love her otherwise but me and my partner are really struggling. Tearing our hair out.
Sez - 8-May-19 @ 8:32 PM
Woody, my 12 year old is exactly the same. He has just gone for me agoer I asked him to take a shower and has blamed me for it. I don't no what to do
Samantha cole - 23-Apr-19 @ 10:49 PM
My son is 8years old he has always been different i had a emergancie section with hm i cat even sit with him he pnches me he hits ou in school he is been to my own gp where he saw my snn actions for the Tem mins he was in room ive been begging fo help for years and now social work have told me i will being doing my son better if i foster him away from even family members have said thed take him renctly my other son hadbeen sho in my street he dosent stay with myself i feel am a victim and feel maybe am to blame for my olde son being shot please anone help as my wee boy neds help not took from me they are out t grt me ou wouldnt believe he hngs they have said to me for me t sign him over to foster care because i cant cope with this wee boy i love
Ann - 4-Apr-19 @ 1:33 PM
My daughter's 8 and in last 6 months to a year she has been defiant shouting at for no reason says no all the time when you descipline her for being nasty to siblings or screams we send her to her room she can scream carry on for a hour you let her back down does itall over again were so drained with it all repetitive she's fine at school I have a son with adhd who's on medication I know it's not that but my thoughts are ODD should I go to doctors ??,
Red - 16-Dec-18 @ 7:54 PM
My son is 4 and just recently started reception at primary school. He was in the same nursery for a few years prior when he left he was doing great, behaviour and educational wise. However since starting school I am in the office a lot with teacher or phone calls due to his bad behavior from hitting, pushing and even biting his class mates. At home he is really good other than occasional sibling fall out with his sister is not always him he is so sweet and loving plays nicely. Plays great when we are in company, at parties and at his youth club. I’m really lost and don’t know what to do. School has tried lots of different strategies and nothing seems to be working. I’m scared he will be removed and will impact him even more. I am seeing the gp tomorrow but have no idea what is wrong or how to help him.
Sue - 14-Nov-18 @ 11:51 PM
My son now 15 has shown (what I think may be signs of ODD ) most noticeably since year 6. He is defiant , will challenge me, when I ask him to do something. He back chats , blames others, will not accept responsibity for his actions . He will annoy others (in house hold) when he does not get his own way . He always has to be right will not back down,(even when the other party is getting frustrated ,angry, he can’t seem to read signals or respond appropriately in some social situations) there is also a lot of sibling rivalry , with his younger sister. He tells lies in an effort to cover his back . He has no empathy or understanding. His grades at school have dropped , if he does not want to do something he won’t. I have tried talking to him , explaining the reasons why I am doing what I am doing , he just then asks the same question again again again. ( why can’t I have my phone back , why can’t I go on the play station ) I do not think this is normal behaviour however can’t decide if he is playing me or if there is an underlying issue. Advice appreciated
Woody - 16-Sep-18 @ 10:33 AM
Blenchy7- Your Question:
I've tried for a long time now with my daughters behaviour and demanding aggressive to her siblings what can I do she even through herself down the stairs and blamed myself her mother she's always saying she's getting all the blame all the time and she kicks off in the shops when she carnt have I think she's suffering with ADHA ODD and depression disorder and anxiety disorders and she's well over weight she is 13st I've had her eating healthy and she's not losing any weight can I get help I don't know what else to do thank youMrs L blench

Our Response:
Have you taken her to the doctor?
KidsBehaviour - 24-Aug-18 @ 11:26 AM
I've tried for a long time now with my daughters behaviour and demanding aggressive to her siblings what can I do she even through herself down the stairs and blamed myself her mothershe's always saying she's getting all the blame all the time and she kicks off in the shops when she carnt have I think she's suffering with ADHA ODD and depression disorder and anxiety disorders and she's well over weight she is 13stI've had her eating healthy and she's not losing any weight can I get help I don't know what else to dothank you Mrs L blench
Blenchy7 - 21-Aug-18 @ 9:55 AM
Sarahlou....I agree that it'shard to know what's over reacting to a potentially difficult child but my little one seems to be behaving like this more frequently despite my efforts to calm him or reason with him. I also have an eight year old and he is finding it difficult too. I have made an appointment with the gp to discuss it. I am hoping it's a stage of bad behaviour but just need some advice as I am at my wits end with how to deal with him, everyday is draining and i'm exhausted by it all. As with your daughter, he can be so caring and funny and it's then that i think i'm over reacting but then he will display such bizarre behaviour. Has this been going on for long with your daughter?
sp - 9-Aug-18 @ 10:24 PM
SP I am having exactly the same behaviour from my 5 yr old daughter . We are totally drained and at our wits ebd. Our daughter can be so sweet and behaves at school, and has moments where she's so caring at home. Out of school she doesn't listen, shouts and talks to us terribly, she instantly goes off if she doesn't get what she wants and then I'm on pins trying to calm her down and explain in a manner she understands. She constantly enjoys winding her friends up,it's as if she gets a buzz from annoying people and it's so embarrassing.I keep telling her that she won't have any friends if she carries on, then she just continues the next time she sees someone. I have no idea what to do, I'm thinking of taking her to the GP but I don't want to sound like I'm over reacting if she's just exhibiting normal behaviour, though it doesn't feel normal.
Sarahlou - 8-Aug-18 @ 8:25 AM
My son is seven years old and can be funny, charming and very entertaining especially at school and with family. At home however he is awful, defiant, rude, he argues even bullies me. He will go out of his way to cause an argument or problem and when i try to talk about it with him he blames everyone else and is so unreasonable. It's draining me. He is so rude and has no regard for boundaries or discipline at home. I don't know what to do.
sp - 7-Aug-18 @ 5:37 PM
I am growing increasingly worried about my daughter. She has just turned 6 and her behaviour has escalated for the past couple of years. She is perfect in school but not at home. She argues with absolutely everything and refuses to follow the rules. She has massive anger outbursts to the point where she kicks and hits us throws things at us and trashes her room. She has really difficulty making or keeping friends she is soon to be going in to year two but has never had a close friend. No matter what we do to try to get her to stop these behaviours nothing works and if anything she is getting worse. These outbursts happen every single night and everyday is a new challenge what help can I get for her?
trudi3 - 11-Jul-18 @ 9:21 PM
Ron - Your Question:
My 8 year old boy seems to really dislike everyone.his dad dissapeared when he was 3 and for the firat few years I over compensated but always maintained discipline. For the last year though he is totally out of control. Hes exceptionnaly intelligent and other then being chatty in schools hea good as gold there , yet the last year is conpletely defiant I mean anything I ask he rows eith me about not just no name calling being rude and cheeky , he gets angry over every little thing smashes up rooms swears has spent money on my card online is horrible to his brother and thinks he is the most important person in the house. He sees nothinf wrong in for instance eating four out of six cupcakes and ehen I question him about it he dont see anything wrong with it that he has four and me and his brother has one each.im diabetic and he eats the sweets and drinks I have for my low blood sugars knowing il pass out if they arent there and I need them. He takes the remote when hes home from school and point blank refuses to let anyone else have a go without forcibly taking it. Every little thing is an argiment from picking up pants to doing his himework and not a fige minute thing a full blown row he goes on and on and atill wint do it. He breaks expensive things and tells me that I can replace them. I am at the end of my tether his dad isnt in his life and he listens to noone not his grandad aunt uncles or me.it get to the points I dread him coming back from school it upsets me because I adore him but its making my and my youngests life hell and I have seripus health problens the stress is just making worse. Every symptom is exactly describes him how do I get a diagnosis ?

Our Response:
Talk to your GP, try and talk to your son, make sure he gets some one-on-one attention from you. Seek help from organisations like Care for the Family and Family Lives etc
KidsBehaviour - 29-Jun-18 @ 12:48 PM
My 8 year old boy seems to really dislike everyone .his dad dissapeared when he was 3 and for the firat few years i over compensated but always maintained discipline . For the last year though he is totally out of control. Hes exceptionnaly intelligent and other then being chatty in schools hea good as gold there , yet the last year is conpletely defiant i mean anything i ask he rows eith me about not just no name calling being rude and cheeky , he gets angry over every little thing smashes up rooms swears has spent money on my card online is horrible to his brother and thinks he is the most important person in the house . He sees nothinf wrong in for instance eating four out of six cupcakes and ehen i question him about it he dont see anything wrong with it that he has four and me and his brother has one each.im diabetic and he eats the sweets and drinks i have for my low blood sugars knowing il pass out if they arent there and i need them. He takes the remote when hes home from school and point blank refuses to let anyone else have a go without forcibly taking it. Every little thing is an argiment from picking up pants to doing his himework and not a fige minute thing a full blown row he goes on and on and atill wint do it. He breaks expensive things and tells me that i can replace them. I am at the end of my tether his dad isnt in his life and he listens to noone not his grandad aunt uncles or me.it get to the points i dread him coming back from school it upsets me because i adore him but its making my and my youngests life hell and i have seripus health problens the stress is just making worse. Every symptom is exactly describes him how do i get a diagnosis ?
Ron - 27-Jun-18 @ 4:58 PM
My son was diagnosed with ODD when he was 9 years old.My child has caused much grief throughout the years.He is now 15yrs old.He has been stealing,lying,and doing spiteful things to All of us at home.We have talk after talk with him and offer ways for him to earn money which we hoped would stop his behavior but he is so lazy he refuses and responds with "I shouldn't have to do stuff you should give me money" This month alone he's stolen his little brothers Bike and sold it for cigarettes.He stolen a video game,a SIM card,cigarettes (I smoke)money out of our change jar,eats foid that he told not to touch,refuses to clean his room.Was asked not to have friends over when no adult is present we come home and find his friends here,when we kick his company out he throws a fit and leaves for hours on end.Claims he feels like he lives in a prison.he is using marijuana.We work late hours and by the time we get home he's gone and we have to search for him.Hes nasty to his little brothers,us and his teachers at school.he doesn't want to go to school.i put him on punishment only to come home and he's gone.i feel like I can't do anything to reach him.i feel like no matter what he has no real consiquenses.my marriage is suffering from this.he fights with his little brothers constantly and it becomes a very hard environment for all of us...Any suggestions? He's had programs,counseling,and goes to a school for children with special needs.i feel empty and I have considered placing him in a boot camp or boys of home..i really need insight..
Miss I don't know w - 22-Jun-18 @ 11:52 AM
Hi I have a 12 year old boy who I feel like I am walking on egg shells with he can be fine one minute but the simplest of request can set him off he is so argumentative with me his dad his teachers and karate coach brothers and sisters we have tried every punishment and he can be good to earn the thing back that have been took as punishment but then misbehave again he had a behaviour time table at school and was good all week then the next week when he has not got one he is back to misbehaving dose this sound like odd thanks
Maz - 29-May-18 @ 11:12 PM
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